9 Ways To Help Kids Grow
9 Ways I'm Helping My Kids Grow
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| Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash |
My kids are still young (6 and under) but I really wish someone had told me that some things are just really important and the sooner your kids get them, the easier everything will be. I wish someone had just told me to work on habits, forget the ABC's for a bit, just work on habits.
Because...
I have started to realize that I can say something over and over again and it does not get heard by any of my kids. They just look at me and say yes without even knowing what was said. This does not happen all the time but enough for me to want to try something new. I am trying to find a way to let my kiddos see the rules that everyone in the world should follow and that it is just not them or me, it is everyone. This is the way to be, be kind, be friendly, and share what we have with others, control ourselves, etc. That should just be the norm, shouldn't it? Anyway, I want them to see what the logical consequences and what the rewards are for their actions.
I am pretty awful at following through. I keep saying that this will happen or that will happen, but it does not usually happen. So I am making a fun chart with what happens when we do these things or do not do them.
Here are the habits that we are going to be working on. We are going to work very hard and get better at being kind and being calmer towards each other. I have written them out in a way to avoid using no or don't. My kids respond to me (or anyone) better when I tell them what to do rather than what not to do.
1. Use a calm voice when angry and use coping skills to help us through our hard emotions
My kids have very strong emotions. They definitely get that from me. When I was a kid I never truly learned how to control my emotions. It wasn't until later in life when I finally understood that I needed to be tactful and control myself. I want my kids to learn this early on. When I see them getting angry or frustrated, I go to them and get down to their level. If they are crying I ask them if they want a hug. They love hugs so this is usually a yes and it gives me the opportunity to talk to them. We practice breathing together and then we go back to where the issue started. I then help them talk calmly and explain their bit. For my oldest, who is almost 7, it has been working. For the most part she can calm herself and speak her piece without the big explosion.
2. Love each other and use kind words when talking and playing
This plays into the previous. If we are practicing calm words, at the same time those words need to be kind. We say we love you often and make sure we are being respectful. I have this talk quite a lot with my four year old.
3. Gentle hands all the time
My now three year old loves hitting, not like I am going to hurt you hitting, but just play hitting. Her sisters do not like it so much! This is more for her, but it is good for the others as well. When we get angry we do not need to hit something, we can do other things, breath, talk, sing, draw, etc.
4. When we get angry, sad, frustrated, scared we can control ourselves by using words instead of screams.
A big thing I want the kids to learn how to do is to control themselves. We have been practicing this one a lot. They know when they can scream and when they should be just simply speaking. My six year old loves bugs, until they get on her. If they get on her she will let out this crazy scream and I will think she has gotten severely hurt. I remind her of what she can do when a bug lands on her and we talk about self control and how when we are in control how much better we can think and cope.
5. Follow directions the first time
I know that this rule is going to take awhile to get but it would be so very helpful for them to follow directions the first time! For the younger kiddos when I ask them to do something, I make sure that I can go with them and help them if they need the help. For my six year old, we have gotten to a place now that she can follow one step directions on her own the first time I ask. If I have multiple steps for her then I will do the same thing I do for the younger ones and walk with her while she accomplishes the tasks. Once they have formed the habit of listening and are able to complete tasks on their own, they will be able to follow directions the first time.
6. Be honest with ourselves and others
There honestly is nothing more that bothers me, not being honest. There is no reason to fib. I truly believe this. If you have to lie about something, then you shouldn't be doing it. We talk about how being honest is a good quality to have.
7. Listen and look at each other when we are speaking
While this would fall into common manners that everyone should have, I want to really focus on eye contact. My kids look all over the place or play with something which to me shows that they are not hearing me. I want them to learn that when someone is speaking to you, you pay attention. To show that you are paying attention you are looking at the person and giving them your attention. I want my kids to grow to be good listeners. To listen to hear, not listen to respond. It will take practice but we will get there!
8. Remember we are given directions for a reason; if you disagree, do so respectfully. You will still have to do as you were told but we want to know your opinions.
There is a fine line for me on this one.. I want the kids to listen to me, but I also want them to tell me if they truly disagree with what I am saying. Sometimes they may be right! I also want them to know that at the grocery store or when we are very busy is not the place to argue your case.
9. Be helpful
I want my kids to be helpful. It is pretty simple. If I ask for help and you can, then help. If your sisters or brothers or friends ask for help and you can, then help. It is the kind thing to do.
Stay tuned for part two with the rest of the habits.
I am also going to be working on the chart to print off so the kids can have their own copies. It will have what happens when you do these things and what could happen if you do not. I'll post it on here when it's done!